Bloodlust

Ya what ever, this few days become very moody, express all the feelings on someone, sorry to who ever give me to express out, specially Nicole ya, very terrible sorry. Days getting nearer to the judgment day of my course, wow, hardly started anything, well ,since nothing has started, I do a lot of exercise to maintain myself for catching up everything. Not very ideal at all, "practice makes perfect". Slogan rocks the world. Everyone must practice to get even better.

As usual, not many things happen, appreciate what are besides you right now. Huh, what so important beside me is just bla, bla, bla. Rubbish I guess. Due to something happen to myself inside my heart, the person that knows these things happen really can encourage me to get even better results. Dreaming for myself? Possible, Truly? Takes time to forget something, takes time to manage something new, for me takes eternity to do something brave and new. Gees, why I always getting the same old answer from my closest buddies. Not for Martin, he always gives me many new ideas of life, he frustrated himself for something unusual, wow, first time heard that from him, he was so annoyed by someone.

Life goes on, why does no people understand why life can't be stop at one moment and people starting to forget the future for one second. Maybe just because the world can't stop turning around the orbit and itself. Even so, I feel myself stopping at a somewhere behind by now.. Very deeply behind. Getting emotional as ever !!

By writing this, my heart started to pain again, I just keep silence and stop thinking about her for a moment and everything calms down. Why I need to be suffer by this heart pain I also don't know what lead to this pain, cause of the pain and even when did I suffer this pain. Pain that the word I knew for a long time already, no gain no pain? Gaining more, the worst the pain goes on. I feel that I am shutting myself on an empty cold room, no one does care what is going to happen to me yet again and I felt lonely yet again. Really hurts a lot, I wonder she will know that.

Scattered heart fill with many scars inside, this time, I think not going too well, getting ill already with the heart condition worsen, I HATE IT!! Holding my heart with my hands to calm down, not even one second the heart stop pumping very hard, and it could have been worse if I didn't get a short rest just now. Now it still pain, I really wonder why, why could it be her, why things suppose I do to get rid of this pain !!, fuck off please the bad feelings, is really not the time for you to come and disturb me, I have tests next week and you pissing me off.!!